SNAIL
MAY 10TH, 2021
There is a snail in the center of the room. The exact center. I measured it. Twice.
It hasn’t moved since it reached the center. I saw it reach the center though. He just snailed right over to it. Now he’s just there. Right in the middle of everything. In the middle of my room. Trail of snaily mucus leading from the door and stopping at the center.
How does he know it’s the center? Does he know it’s the center? Is such a thing even important to a snail? How did a snail even get into my house? This whole situation, this entire day, has felt like a strange dream. A snail-filled dream I can’t wake up from.
I’ve tried just walking away. Leaving it be. But always I come back to my room and there it is center-snailed. How long does he plan on staying?
MAY 13TH, 2021
I guess at least the weekend. The little guy is still there. Still right in the middle of my room. I can’t believe it. He hasn’t moved an inch.
I checked on him to see if he was even still alive. I wasn’t sure. How long do snails live? I’ll have to look into that.
He is alive today at least. Sitting there, not moving but breathing. Definitely breathing. Do snails breathe? Angulating. Definitely angulating. Alive.
MAY 14TH, 2021
I told my roommates about him today. They laughed at first but I showed them. Measured it for them too, just to prove that it was dead center.
They agreed that he was definitely alive and that this whole situation is absolutely weird.
Jenny wanted to pick him up and move him outside. She said she didn’t want to have a snail just hanging out in the house. I mean, I’m not a big fan of it either. She said she’s worried that it will climb all over her in her sleep or something. I told her not to worry about that. I don’t think it’s going anywhere anytime soon.
MAY 22ND, 2021
It’s been almost two weeks. At first, I would come home from classes expecting him to be gone, or at least have moved an inch. Nowadays though, it would be weird to not see him in the middle of my room when I get home. He’s the first thing I look at when I open my door. At least I think he’s a ‘he’. I should learn more about snails.
MAY 23RD, 2021
Snails can live to up to twenty-five years. That’s a long time.
Also, snail sex is very complicated.
JUNE 5TH, 2021
A popular theory among members of our household is that the little guy is surviving by eating the floor. Apparently, there might (?) be nutrients in the old hardwood flooring used in the house?(!)
I’m not so sure about this idea. Also, none of us are biologists in the slightest bit, so it’s a big stretch to assume we are even in a place to pose theories about the little guy.
My dad loves hearing updates every time I call. He thinks it’s hilarious. I’m starting to find it unsettling, but have really started to think about it non-stop.
My dad also thinks I should call a biologist or something. Someone with a bit more of a ‘grasp on the elements involved in the situation’. My mom thinks I should call an exorcist.
JUNE 10TH, 2021
It’s been one month since he moved into my room. One month and he hasn’t moved an inch. Still angulating though. Still definitely alive.
This whole time Dan’s been joking about stepping on it. Killing it. Anything to end this and just get it out of here.
I mean, I don’t like it either. I definitely find the whole thing creepy. But I don’t think we should kill it. It hasn’t actually done anything wrong. It just doesn’t belong here.
Dan says if he can’t squish it we should pick it up and move it outside at the very least. He says this is no way to live.
I don’t know if I agree with him. I mean, I hate it but it’s also the most interesting thing in my life right now. Even a month later I’m fascinated by the little guy. I’m still a little curious to see if he’s moved each day. Sometimes I take a break from classwork to just stare at him.
JUNE 21ST, 2021
Dan lost his cool today. Jenny told me that he tried picking the lock to my room while I was out today so he could just end this whole thing and ‘squash that bug’.
I told him it’s my room and my rules and that also makes it my snail.
I need to invest in better locks.
JULY 12TH, 2021
His shell is actually an ornate extension of his body. It’s an exoskeleton. Something he literally grows. It’s astonishing. Biological protection from the outside world. A tough-skinned little guy.
It’s much more detailed than you would ever guess from a passing glance. I mean, it’s beautiful. Intricate. It’s pebbled and grooved in ways totally and utterly unique to itself. There is no other snail shell like this snail’s shell just as there is no other snail like this snail.
AUGUST 18TH, 2021
Jenny pointed out that he’s been facing north this entire time. I’ve never given that much thought until she mentioned it, but we checked and it is true north. Like a compass. It’s uncanny.
I still think about what it could mean or why it’s happening. I think about the little guy a lot. Jenny’s of the mind that we should just enjoy the ride. ‘See what he does next.’
I don’t know if I can do that.
SEPTEMBER 28TH, 2021
Dan moved out today. He still has a few months left on the lease but he said he couldn’t take living here anymore. ‘Too goddamn weird,’ he said. He wants nothing to do with anything in this house. Jenny’s still here though so that’s nice.
It still hasn’t moved. I have no reason to suspect it will anytime soon.
OCTOBER 1ST, 2021
A while ago I reached out to a list of biologists specializing in gastropods and I only just heard back from one today! She’s a leading researcher in the world of snail science. We talked on the phone for a while. I explained everything. I think she thought it was all a big prank for a bit but I made sure she knew it wasn’t. She said she’ll make a trip over in January. If he’s still here, that is.
DECEMBER 14TH, 2021
I just realized that I’ve been doodling his shell all over my class notebooks. Little drawings sort of everywhere. Just doodles.
I also failed most of my final exams this semester.
JANUARY 21ST, 2022
Dr. Reed is here. She’s going to commandeer my room for a week to run some tests and observe. I told her that whatever she does is fine as long as she doesn’t move him or hurt him. She agreed.
JANUARY 25TH, 2022
I’ve been sleeping on the couch while Dr. Reed tests in my room. I haven’t been getting good sleep at all. Tossing and turning pretty badly. Jenny says it’s probably just because it’s one of those ‘shitty student housing couches’. I hope that’s the only reason why.
JANUARY 28TH, 2022
Dr. Reed confirmed what we already knew and told Jenny and me something pretty shocking too.
Confirmation: She has no scientific clue why the snail is in the center of the room or if it is even aware that it’s in the center of the room. It’s very much alive and it doesn’t appear to be physically paralyzed in any way. It also doesn’t appear to be malnourished at all, though she isn’t sure how it’s getting nutrients.
The shocking part: It’s a completely new species of snail.
JANUARY 29TH, 2022
Dr. Reed really wants to take Little Guy with her for further study. She wants to write a study on him. She says she’ll let Jenny and I visit her labs anytime we want. We both declined.
My room. My rules.
Dr. Reed was pretty upset. Still, she answered a few questions before she left us. Namely, she clarified that she has no clue what the life expectancy of this new species of snail is.
MARCH 8TH, 2022
Jenny has started to joke that Little Guy is an alien or something. A militant scout stranded on an unfamiliar planet. Frozen in fear of the giants around him.
I laugh at this theory.
She laughs back.
I like her laugh.
MAY 10TH, 2022
Well, it’s been a year and he’s still there. I’d feel weird if he weren’t there every day now. He’s a part of the household. I’ve practically built the order of my room around him at this point.
AUGUST 14TH, 2022
New semester starts today. Haven’t had much time to write lately. Jenny and I have been going on double dates with this other couple for a bit. It’s fun to get out. Oh, Jenny and I are dating now. I don’t think I’ve written that here before.
Anyways, we brought that other couple over to the house today. We jokingly introduced them to Little Guy. I don’t think they took it too well. They got kinda grossed out. Thought it was weird.
They also mentioned that it smelled awful in my room. I haven’t noticed any smell.
DECEMBER 25TH, 2022
Merry Christmas, journal. Jenny and I celebrated with dinner at her parent’s house. Just like my dad, they always love hearing stories about Little Guy. They think it’s funny or that we’re being funny. I didn’t use to mind but it kinda got to me today. I told Jenny I don’t think it was right to make fun of him.
Jenny got me a nice shirt for job interviews post-graduation and I got her a necklace. We both got a little Santa Hat for Little Guy. Next year we joke that we’re going to put it on him for our family Christmas card.
FEBUARY 6TH, 2023
This is me and Jenny’s last semester in college. It’s been bothering me that we don’t know what the plan is after we graduate. She says she’s thinking about moving out to Pasadena to look for work. I mean, what the fuck is in Pasadena?
I told her that we can’t go anywhere without Little Guy. She asks me if I’m serious. She tells me that we can’t possibly live in this house forever.
It’s funny, I have never thought about moving out before.
MAY 10TH, 2023
Happy two-year anniversary Little Guy. Never change.
APRIL 4TH, 2023
Jenny has decided to stay one more summer so we can finish up my last semester together. I don’t know what’s going to happen after we move out. I’m seriously considering picking him up and bringing him with us, but somehow I know that would be wrong.
JULY 23RD, 2023
Everything is packed up. Done with college. Barely passed. Time to go.
I’ve decided to leave Little Guy behind. I think it’s for the best. I’ve left a pretty detailed note in the room for the next tenant and made a deal with the housing company to put me in contact with them. I need to make sure they don’t mess with him or move him or anything. Plus, if he does ever move I should be the first to know. Jenny and I should be the first to know.
OCTOBER 14TH, 2023
We’re finally settled in Pasadena. I haven’t slept well a single night since I moved out of the old place. It just doesn’t feel right. Jenny hasn’t quite had that problem but she agrees that things don’t quite feel right.
I still need to know why he stopped in the center. Little Guy is a lot smarter than anyone has given him credit for. He has to be.
I’ve been in pretty regular contact with his new roommate. College dude just like me. I think he gets the whole ‘deal’. He sends me pictures of Little Guy every night. I send him a few hundred bucks every month.
MAY 10TH, 2024
Three years in the center for Little Guy! New record! Jenny and I sent him a little birthday cake to celebrate. I know it isn’t technically his birthday, but close enough.
I still haven’t slept right, but it is what it is.
MAY 10TH, 2025
I don’t write that much anymore. Work’s been crazy. Jenny’s been in and out of the hospital. I just couldn’t pass up an entry on Little Guy’s fourth birthday.
Got another picture of him from his roommate this morning. I think he’s getting bigger. Still centrally located of course.
MAY 10TH, 2026
I honestly cannot believe it’s been five years since he slimed his way into my life. Time flies. It’s astonishing. I got in touch with the new tenant of Little Guy’s room and made a deal with her too. Had to pay a bit more per month this time but it’s good to know he’s all safe. Work’s been well. Jenny’s doing a lot better. I love her so much.
SEPTEMBER 21ST, 2026
I took a trip to the old college house today. Got to see Little Guy in person. Same place. Same Little Guy. Good to see him. Snuck a quick nap in the old room. Best sleep in years!
MAY 10TH, 2027
A very happy sixth to one Mr. Little Guy!
Good news. I convinced Jenny to move back to our hometown. She wants to start a family. I think it’s a great idea to do that at home. Close to family.
JANUARY 3RD, 2028
We put a down payment on the old college house today. Jenny made me promise that once we move in we won’t sleep in the same room as Little Guy. I promised. We move in next month!
MAY 10TH, 2028
Seven years! Seven years! So good to spend it together in person.
OCTOBER 20TH, 2028
Jenny is pregnant! We’re turning Little Guy’s room into a nursery. I hope he doesn't mind.
The baby’s going to sleep like a baby in there.
MAY 10TH, 2029
The world is such a strange place. It never ceases to amaze me. Jenny and I brought our son into the world today; the most beautiful, amazing, uncanny, stupendous bundle of joy any two parents could possibly ask for. All of this wrapped up into one thing: you.
Over the years I’ve always wondered why I’ve kept up with this journal. Sure, the thing with the snail was weird, but I never quite knew who I was writing all of this for. Now I know. When I looked into your eyes today I knew instantly. I was writing this for you. My son.
At some point on the day you were born, while we were at the hospital, the snail left the house. Your mother and I do not know where he went. Only that his trail of slime led out the front door and out of our lives for good. When we brought you home, he was gone. Just as quickly as he entered.
This whole story is here for you to better understand those weird, giant beings that are your parents. How they met, who they were to each other, and the story of them growing up together. Not even a day old and yet the thing I love most in the world. One day, when you’re old enough, I’ll give you this journal.
I love you, my son. You’re my Little Guy.
You should make a short film… this is so weird and touching!!!! Loved the journal entry style… the words, the gaps In entries and the emotions were all lovely