DOCTORS DON’T MAKE MISTAKES
Several key mistakes were made during the planning and subsequent construction of the John Parker Frankfurt-Robinson Memorial Hospital. The first, and least intrusive of which, was its very name: far too long to be remembered on the first iteration and often repeated. Misfortunate emergency patients of the John Parker Frankfurt-Robinson Memorial Hospital very rarely knew what they were looking for on maps during their speedy drives in search of medical aid.
The second mistake made was that the hospital had been built partially on swampland, which made for an unstable structure and the eventual sinking of floors one through forty-five, making the bottom third of the building an aquatic basement of sorts. This is where they store the vast majority of medical records, sealed in plastic Ziploc bags.
The third of many mistakes was made when the emergency helicopter landing pad was painted with a ‘G’ instead of an ‘H’. The crew hired to paint the pad accidentally painted a letter too early. No big deal. These things happen. Except, this was a big deal in the ever-prideful business of helicopter pilots, who would never, ever land their craft on a non-‘H’-painted pad. Even more prideful were the painters who refused to redo their work or even admit fault, citing ‘stylistic expression’ in their choice of ‘G’. This meant all future patients had to be brought to the care of the hospital via pontoon boats.
Another mistake was made at the architectural level. What was meant to be a south wing of the building was actually placed to the north, leaving both the east and west wings reversed as well. Needless to say, many doctors’ compasses hadn’t the slightest clue where to point themselves and a doctor is nothing without their compass.
Of course, none of these mistakes were nearly as detrimental as the construction of a second, identical training hospital directly adjacent to the real John Parker Frankfurt-Robinson Memorial Hospital. This initially good-natured attempt at creating a realistic place for young medical students to hone their skills turned out to be the death of many, many confused innocent people.
The two buildings were impossible to tell apart. Every brick was placed identically in an identical location. Who could blame a person for rushing their wife in labor through the wrong lobby doors? Who could blame a marine ambulance for accidentally docking at the wrong port and bringing a dying car crash victim to an a group of medical students in training?
This was the greatest mistake of them all. There was nothing to be done about it either. Too much money had already been put into the mirror buildings. There was no going back now. The only thing left to do is to hope that if you ever need emergency medical care, you are brought to the right building. You can only sit back in your pain and hope beyond all hope that you are brought to the John Parker Frankfurt-Robinson Memorial Hospital and not the John Parker Frankfurt-Robinson Memorial Hospital Training Center.
Gave me a great chuckle…life and art intwined… we now have mergers of hospitals.. like All children hospital… in Noel’s Johns Hopkins All Children’s Hospital.. JHACH! But everyone still days All Children’s… it’s shorter!🤣🤣😂